Perfect

Have you ever felt like you have to be perfect? Well I have. I feel like I'm being watched all the time. If its not by my dad (I'm his only child so I hope that says something.) its my younger cousins. Sometimes its even my grandparents. I've always been a goody-good at least what I've been told. I never do anything  I'm not supposed to usually. And when I do I feel like they are watching every move I make. Do you know how hard it is to try and be perfect when your only 18. Don't get me wrong I love my family I would do anything for them but sometimes I wish I didn't feel like I had to be perfect. I know my cousins look up to me and sometimes its really hard. I'm also LDS or Mormon. In the church I have a calling as a primary teacher. For those of you who don't know what a primary teacher is the teach the kids 4-11 years old. I teach the 10 year old age group. Don't get me wrong I love that to but now I have to be perfect for them. Plus the Young Women (12-18 years girls) look up to me because I was with them tell just a few months ago. Besides that I just sent off a missionary almost 6 months ago so the girls look up to me for that. I love my missionary and miss him so much. More then anyone realizes but I feel like everyone is watching me now. Everyone is watching for on mistake or anything to see if I can handle waiting for him. Then there are people that tell me there is no way I'm going to make it another year and 6 months. I want to prove them all wrong. He is my best friend and I'm going to wait for him. So that adds more people watching me. To see if I'm going to make it. I can't wait tell he gets back and we can look everyone who didn't think we could do it and say "I told you so.' He is the one for me. I can feel it deep down. I love him more then anything. So you see I feel like I have to be perfect every day. The only time I don't feel that way is when I'm with my 2 best friends or my missionary but I have a year and 6 months tell he gets home and I feel that way again. With them I feel like everything around me is different. I feel like no one is watching every move I make and that makes me feel safe. I don't know what I would do without those 2 girls. I'm the youngest out of all 3 of them so I guess it makes me feel like I don't have them watching me. I'm the second oldest daughter when it comes to my mom and the first granddaughter when it comes to her side of the family. Then I'm the oldest great granddaughter on my mom's mom's side. So you see I really am the one all the younger grand kids look up to. Life is hard but in the end it will all work out in the end. have everyone watching me and me feeling like I have to be perfect will only make me stronger. Waiting for my missionary will only bring me and him closer together and stronger. My best friends will always keep me grounded and having fun. But in tell everything gets better I'll be on here writing to whoever reads this. Thank you so much for reading.